Learn to change the rules to better your life!

Spreading from the famous to the everyday: Black women beginning to change the rule books. 
 Top, Boris Becker and new wife Lily    Below: Ordinary couple enjoying lunch.....

I want y'all to think about something. A few years ago, when American Idol was new-do you remember the show? Think about the season number 2. Rubin was fantastic-Gladys nicknamed him the velvet teddy bear and he went on to win. We were all screaming with happiness, and it was soooo exciting. I thought he was adorable, and we went crazy when he won. Anyway, the next season came along Jennifer Hudson, Latoya, and Fantasia. I remember that season because Fantasia sang "give em something to talk about, and Latoya sang "All by myself" And I remember how blown away we all were at the shear talent, and incredible voices. I actually always thought although they all had beautiful voices, Latoya's was technically the most beautiful, Jennifer's was the strongest, and Fantasia's was the most unique. I just remember what incredible performances those were, and wondered who would win. At first we thought it would be between Latoya and Fantasia, but after JH belted out week end in New England. by Elton John. we were floored. Those were some of the most incredible performances I've ever seen even as of today. But the point of all this is: remember when after a fantastic night all 3were in the bottom, and everyone was stunned? I honestly feel that at that moment white America almost felt they were TOO GOOD, and really was not ready for all 3 to be the   final contenders. That was the night Simon admitted he'd made a mistake and told JH there were 2 girls in the back with a doll of her, sticking pins in it. He also said he'd make a mistake and she had proven why she deserved to be in the top 12.

Anyway, that night JH was eliminated, and we were furious. But as you can see, she did not stay down. She went on to become a big star anyway. But the point of all this is not to recap AI. We don't even watch it anymore. And the reason we don't is because after Fantasia went on to win, (right behind Rubin-thus making 2 blk winners in a row) AI changed the rules from then on. From that point on they stopped having America pick the idol, and started having the judges pick them! Now you may claim America still picks the idols but that is not true. AI now has the judges pick the TOP 12!  Then, and only then can America pick the idol FROM THIS CONTRIVED GROUP! See it used to be they would pick 36 people and put them in 4 separate groups. They groups would then have to compete and America would pick the top 3.  Two of the 3 would go on to make up the top 12. It was a much more exciting show then, because anyone could actually win. Now to me it feels like a set up with the winner already decided beforehand. We soon lost interest, and stopped watching....

But the point is: My belief is that Fox Network (whom I truly believe is quite racist) did not like the fact that 2 blk singers won in a row; hence, they simply changed the rules. They did not worry about infringing on the American Public's right to a fair and impartial competition, probably because they viewed it as their show, and felt they had the right to alter things at will. They simply changed the rules to better suit their agenda! BW MUST LEARN TO DO THE SAME THING!  If something is not working in your life-learn to change the rules to SUIT YOU! If you want to go to school, or lose weight, or better yourself in some way, and someone is trying to sabotage you- block them from your life. If someone always puts you down-refuse to be in their presence.  And if someone tries to block your relationship with a good man because of color or anything else, rebuff that nonsense and keep stepping out to a better life!  If you are a woman who has previously been NBABM sect, simply decide to exercise your options. It's all about choice. You are NEVER stuck in any place or time-unless you decide to be.  This is an example of how incredible women can be when they decide to. I know someone who had a baby at 14! She refuse to have an abortion as her family ordered her to. She went into an unwed home for young women -had her baby and continued through school. She excelled in school and obtained a  full scholarship that enabled her to take her child with her. All this time she received not a dime of financial or emotional support from the bm father (no surprise).  She graduated from college with honors and became a very high ranking attorney with only the love and support of her mother, and is today completely self sufficient, and quite affluent.  This is the power of a woman who has DECIDED to do something! More and more bw today are waking up from a dead-slumber and branching out. Looks like the memo is picking up speed as bwwm marriages are the fastest growing of all IR relationships! Who would have ever thought that would happen. And although I like to think we bloggers had alot to do with it (Esp. Evia as she started the whole thing). But I think what has given momentum to this movement, is the two-fold blessing of  you tube videos with all the lovely bw letting other bw see how their lives had improved with good-non color struck men. As well as bm putting their feet in their mouths and saying such horrible vile things about bw, that many bw were finally forced to wake up and smell the coffee, so to speak. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways....

 Anyway, the trick is to DECIDE to change the rules you have used to govern your life. Decide to do what is in your best interest and not to be a slave to old worn out ideas and beliefs. Anyone can conquer old demons if they bring them out into the light and acknowledge that they've been a hindrance an impediment to their success. It's unbelievable to me when I still hear bw spout like puppets "What about the black race! It will be bred out of existence!" or " We need to be loyal to bm!" Let me tell you something only a fool is loyal is someone who does not give a damn about them! Only a fool...
You need to be loyal to YOURSELF! You need to find men who will give you the love, support, and companionship that makes life worth living. You need to have a father for your child who will stick around and love that child regardless of whether the relationship lasts or not! And it's common knowledge who abandons their children with a vengeance in America...
For your sake, for your children's sake, learn to change your rules, and your life change will follow....

3 keys to a bright new future for black women...

1st key to life overhaul is an image overhaul....

Image precedes everything. Many bw get on Nat. Tv and act like total fools and then wonder our collective reputation is in the toilet! If you watch Maury, The Jeremy Kyle show, And worst of the worst, Jerry Springer you can see what I'm talking about. I certainly don't watch them, but just passing by them on the way to something else makes me cringe in horror. When JK first came out he at least made a pretense of putting all different types of people on his show and letting them act a fool. But far more recently, he simply gets exclusively black ppl to come on and show their behinds to the whole world. I'm always flabbergasted by how ill informed these ppl could be to go on these shows act a fool and be totally oblivious to the harm they were doing to others who share their race/gender.

Has anyone other than me noticed that Maury NEVER has a Chinese person on his show acting like ghetto/trailer trash? I read somewhere years ago that his Asian wife Connie, told him she had better never see an Asian on his show acting this way, and embarrassing the whole race! So he like many others before him, pull most of his 'fools' from the blk race. After all who is more ready and willing to make a damn fool of themselves faster than us! Its so frustrating to see bw making fools of themselves on Nat. TV! Fighting over sorry men, screaming, cursing, behaving like untamed banshees  and letting it all hang out! We all know that the media has an agenda for making us look like fools, but my question is why would you ever feed into it? It would be so much better for us not to be on tv at all, then to be on looking and acting like idiots.  Bill Cosby, someone I've always liked and respected, calls it the Massacre of images. And he pleads with bp to stop, and yet it continues....
It's gotten so bad lately, that most of the tv is blocked from the kids. We don't want our children seeing all this crap. And let me say something else to all the really big bw, and this is going to anger some ppl, but If you know that you are really overweight. I don't mean by 30-50lbs like most American women. I mean if you weigh 400-500-600lbs FOR GOD'S SAKE STAY OFF OF NATIONAL TV!!! The truth is they are deliberately seeking you out-so they can laugh at you!  Don't allow yourself to be the butt of the media's vicious, and derisive humor. Did you think it was a coincidence that so many very large, older, and routinely UNATTRACTIVE bw are featured on tv so much, while the far more appealing are herded into the background? I remember one commercial for some ED medicine that took place in an office. All the ww were young and attractive the only bw there had to be 58+, overweight, gray haired, and looked like someones over worked maid. This is very typical. There is a very real agenda going on here. Especially as more and more wm have begun to make their attraction to bw known. Now I acknowledge that we cannot control other women's behaviors, but we can certainly control our own. Be a lady in all things, Speak like one, act like one, be one. Always try to fight with your intellect rather than your fists. Many times in college someone tried to subdue me but because I am a voracious reader, and knew what I was talking about, they were wholly unsuccessful .....

2nd Key to life overhaul is to see things as they are rather than how you wish they were!

 Judge Milion (sp?) has a saying there is none so blind as he who WILL NOT SEE. Many blk ppl-and I'm going to go ahead and switch to bw from here out because it is not my concern what bm do. Many bw go on Maury and complain that the sorry trifling negro they love is coming home late, has hickeys, smells like other women etc, and then they want Maury to prove he is not cheating on them!  SMH! They already KNOW he is cheating, they simply refuse to believe their own eyes. First of all, I feel like bw have been warned enough. IF you are looking for a husband in the hood, you'll probably get exactly what you are looking for. A ne-er-to-do-well drug dealing thug, who will treat you like crap and screw around on you every chance he gets. MOST of the men in these black enclaves are very damaged, and many are quite dangerous in numerous ways, ie, violence, brutality, socially and sexually. I don't care if you presently live in the hood and are trying to escape. Forget about taking a man from there with you. 90+% of the time you will be wasting valuable time and energy on him.
I've said a hundred times a man will show you who he is all you have to do is sit back and watch.  Now I'm not suggesting that most wm are compatible with most bw. But I'm clearly  stating that most bm no longer ARE!  It's long time to forget about blk love and focus on loving ourselves enough to move on....
NO one makes improvements, or moves forward in their lives if they wont own up to the truth no matter how painful. The simple truth is most bm do NOT have your back. They are NOT your brothers, and many of them simply hate you for various reasons ie, doing better than them, reminding them they are black, looking like them when they cannot accept their own looks etc.. Seeing things ar they are also means that if there is something you need to do to feel better about yourself, do it. If you need to get your diploma, or finish college or lose weight-whatever it is do it. Only you can change your life. NO one else can. You know exactly what you need to work on. But the point is to acknowledge what is or is not working in your life, so that you can fix it.....

The Third and last key for today is get your finances in order!

Nothing seems to impact our lives so much as money. I know there is a saying that money does not bring happiness, but if you buy into that-try poverty! I can tell you because I have lived on both sides.  After I left husband #1 I had no money and a child to take care of, and those were the two hardest yrs of my life! I was constantly worried, struggling and stressed. I made up my mind to never be broke again because broke is the hardest position for any American to be in. The reason is because everything centers around money in America! Now I have a great life, house, assets, and wake up worry, and nearly stress free. I enjoy it immensely. What made the difference between then and now-MONEY! You have got to have it in this great land of the free, where nothing is really free-except air. For those of you struggling in this new recession or scared out of your wits about how to take care of your children. I want to help you out. Many ppl I know have lost jobs recently but I want to give you some information on how to live well with or without one.....

Make money without a job...


1. Think outside the box. Find a need and fill it. You don't have to have a job to live well, and you can actually have more freedom than ppl who have a job can dream of. For instance. I had a friend who was crying on my shoulder a few months ago about how she lost her accounting job. I asked her if she would like me to help her start a home biz. She eagerly agreed, saying she would do ANYTHING to feed her kids. So we went to the dollar store, where I bought a broom, mop, pail, and several cleansers. We then went back to my house where I went into my office and printed off several hundred cards for her on my computer (at my expense -mind you). I guess I missed the stunned expression on her face I was so busy making and printing material. I created a mission statement for her (your objective for your biz) marketing materials, the cards and some discount coupons to get business started. She let me work for hours while saying nothing, just watching. At around 7, when her sister came to pick her up, she decided it was a good time to let me know how annoyed she was with the whole idea. She demanded to know why I thought she would want to be a maid. "Because I thought you wanted fast money" I retorted back, "And you have not said anything to the contrary in the past 5-6 hrs!" I told her I had planned to hire her to steam clean all my carpets a job I really hate, but needed to have done. " And I was going to pay you 300.00" I told her. She sneered, "Well you have 3 floors + a basmt that's not enough"  "I don't need the basmt done, so I think 300 is fair" I said She was completely ungrateful and tried to get me to pay 450.00, I refused. Just then her sister came in, heard the argument and jumped at the chance to make 300. She also squealed with delight at the maid idea because she too was recently laid off. Not only did she do a great job on my floors but she crossed out her sister's name on the cards and actually did the maid business. She's been at it less than 3 months and is already booked solid, and earning a good income of 700-1000 per wk! As for my friend kim, she is still subsisting on unemployment, and struggling. And as her house gets closer to foreclosure she grows more bitter, angry and resentful. Can you believe now she's actually saying her sister 'stole' her business! smh.....

The truth is there are ALWAYS needs in your community that must be filled. You walk past them everyday. Now maybe I was being selfish, because I really did want my carpets done, so maybe that's why I tried to steer kim toward house cleaning, but if she was really as motivated as she claimed, she would have done it, or something else.  Her sister has called and thanked me many times. She was able to keep her home and feed her children, and now kim is not speaking to her because she will not lend her 1000 dollars... That's another story but basically kim is a person (although a good person) who wants the reward without paying the price. Life does not work that way. First you must PAY the price, and then take the reward....
Now here are some other tips for the displaced and /struggling. Some of the best ways to make $ are right under our noses, but we don't see them because we are too busy looking for a job...

2. This is a great tip for those who love cars..   Make 10K per month after you get this going working only 10-15 hours per wk.  To start: find a lot around your town that is vacant and unused.  Arrange an option on it. An option is a real estate tactic of putting a small amt of money on something  in case you need it. What you are doing is tying the land up for later use. If you do this right, you will definitely need the option.  place ads or fliers around town offering to help people sell their cars. Many people will take you up on an offer, especially as word gets around. Now in a business like this everyone will soon know you are making good money, so please be careful and don't disclose your address!  Have all the cars park on the lot through the week end. Call the paper and see if they will cover the event as a grand opening. They often will because they don't have enough news  Also call the papers in the nearby towns. Get a few food vendors, and someone to sell cold drinks and you will have ppl happy to stay for hours. All transactions should be between buyers and sellers you simply provide the place, and time.  Charge all cars 25.00 up front and 100 cars per wk end will gross you 10.000.00 per month! This is not including a cut of the vendors profits... You may want to pay 2 big guys to keep the peace  but you should still make great money and only work week ends....


3. I gave someone this idea a while ago, and she's actually still doing it and making great money. I even named it for her. Honey bunny sitting service. All you do is line up sweet little grandma type women and offer them part time work as baby sitters. People love for their children to be taken care of by grandma. which this concept is built on. Now make sure you screen the grandmas and make sure they really like kids (not all grandmas do) Run a back ground check, criminal check, and get them bonded. If you have a van or spacious car this works even better. Take the grandmas to the houses where they will babysit for working parents. The best part of this is that the child gets to stay home where he/she is most comfortable. Charge parents a little more, after all the caregiver is brought to them- or use ppl who have their own cars, but still charge a percentage of the fees. The money is paid to you directly, and you pay the caregiver. Just like an employment agency. You can build it big or keep it small, it's up to you. But if you charge 200 per wk (very reasonable) and pay the worker 150 for part time wk. With 20 workers, you should net about 1000.00 per wk and this is part time. We pay a sitter 350 per wk to watch our baby and she is worth every cent. I never have to worry about him being abused or hurt, and I know she loves him, so it's well worth the money....Any working parent will tell you that a good sitter is worth their weight in gold....



Secret jobs, that pay well,  that the public never notices.

So there are 3 good non job ideas but if you really want a job and can't seem to find one, I have a super great tip for you. Many people do not realize how much money door to door sales people make. They hear the word commission and they can't get away fast enough. I have sold door to door many times, and I can tell you its a GREAT WAY TO EARN LOTS OF MONEY!  It's a hidden secret that many ppl don't want you to know. But I have a cousin selling cable door to door now, and she clears 2-3000 per week! She says when she tells people what she does many women laugh and say things like  "Well ya wudn;t catch me sellin at no do for minumin wayyyyge!" She says she never tells them what she makes because she loves having so much turf to herself. She just sells and goes on about her business. There are many things you can sell door to door, and these jobs are much easier to get because they are based on performance and cost the company very little to hire and train you. And believe me you don't have to be a star salesperson. My cousin is NOT her income is AVERAGE! Most of the star salesmen are the guys and some of them make 50-70% more than her!  I would advise any of you interested to find a sales job, buy a 10.00 book off ebay and learn to sell. You can feed your family in ANY economy if you simply learn to sell. This is a skill that even Donald Trump was telling his people to learn. You can always come out on top if you know how to sell. Some of the best books I recommend are  1. Hypnotic selling,  by Dr Moine  2. Selling with NLP, by Kerry Johnson and 3. Sell your way to the top by Zig Ziggler..

So my baby is whining for my attention, so I will wrap it up. but do write me and let me know how these ideas have worked for you. If you use them I guarantee the money WILL COME....
Good luck -Sara