Spreading from the famous to the everyday: Black women beginning to change the rule books.
Top, Boris Becker and new wife Lily Below: Ordinary couple enjoying lunch.....
I want y'all to think about something. A few years ago, when American Idol was new-do you remember the show? Think about the season number 2. Rubin was fantastic-Gladys nicknamed him the velvet teddy bear and he went on to win. We were all screaming with happiness, and it was soooo exciting. I thought he was adorable, and we went crazy when he won. Anyway, the next season came along Jennifer Hudson, Latoya, and Fantasia. I remember that season because Fantasia sang "give em something to talk about, and Latoya sang "All by myself" And I remember how blown away we all were at the shear talent, and incredible voices. I actually always thought although they all had beautiful voices, Latoya's was technically the most beautiful, Jennifer's was the strongest, and Fantasia's was the most unique. I just remember what incredible performances those were, and wondered who would win. At first we thought it would be between Latoya and Fantasia, but after JH belted out week end in New England. by Elton John. we were floored. Those were some of the most incredible performances I've ever seen even as of today. But the point of all this is: remember when after a fantastic night all 3were in the bottom, and everyone was stunned? I honestly feel that at that moment white America almost felt they were TOO GOOD, and really was not ready for all 3 to be the final contenders. That was the night Simon admitted he'd made a mistake and told JH there were 2 girls in the back with a doll of her, sticking pins in it. He also said he'd make a mistake and she had proven why she deserved to be in the top 12.
Anyway, that night JH was eliminated, and we were furious. But as you can see, she did not stay down. She went on to become a big star anyway. But the point of all this is not to recap AI. We don't even watch it anymore. And the reason we don't is because after Fantasia went on to win, (right behind Rubin-thus making 2 blk winners in a row) AI changed the rules from then on. From that point on they stopped having America pick the idol, and started having the judges pick them! Now you may claim America still picks the idols but that is not true. AI now has the judges pick the TOP 12! Then, and only then can America pick the idol FROM THIS CONTRIVED GROUP! See it used to be they would pick 36 people and put them in 4 separate groups. They groups would then have to compete and America would pick the top 3. Two of the 3 would go on to make up the top 12. It was a much more exciting show then, because anyone could actually win. Now to me it feels like a set up with the winner already decided beforehand. We soon lost interest, and stopped watching....
But the point is: My belief is that Fox Network (whom I truly believe is quite racist) did not like the fact that 2 blk singers won in a row; hence, they simply changed the rules. They did not worry about infringing on the American Public's right to a fair and impartial competition, probably because they viewed it as their show, and felt they had the right to alter things at will. They simply changed the rules to better suit their agenda! BW MUST LEARN TO DO THE SAME THING! If something is not working in your life-learn to change the rules to SUIT YOU! If you want to go to school, or lose weight, or better yourself in some way, and someone is trying to sabotage you- block them from your life. If someone always puts you down-refuse to be in their presence. And if someone tries to block your relationship with a good man because of color or anything else, rebuff that nonsense and keep stepping out to a better life! If you are a woman who has previously been NBABM sect, simply decide to exercise your options. It's all about choice. You are NEVER stuck in any place or time-unless you decide to be. This is an example of how incredible women can be when they decide to. I know someone who had a baby at 14! She refuse to have an abortion as her family ordered her to. She went into an unwed home for young women -had her baby and continued through school. She excelled in school and obtained a full scholarship that enabled her to take her child with her. All this time she received not a dime of financial or emotional support from the bm father (no surprise). She graduated from college with honors and became a very high ranking attorney with only the love and support of her mother, and is today completely self sufficient, and quite affluent. This is the power of a woman who has DECIDED to do something! More and more bw today are waking up from a dead-slumber and branching out. Looks like the memo is picking up speed as bwwm marriages are the fastest growing of all IR relationships! Who would have ever thought that would happen. And although I like to think we bloggers had alot to do with it (Esp. Evia as she started the whole thing). But I think what has given momentum to this movement, is the two-fold blessing of you tube videos with all the lovely bw letting other bw see how their lives had improved with good-non color struck men. As well as bm putting their feet in their mouths and saying such horrible vile things about bw, that many bw were finally forced to wake up and smell the coffee, so to speak. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways....
Anyway, the trick is to DECIDE to change the rules you have used to govern your life. Decide to do what is in your best interest and not to be a slave to old worn out ideas and beliefs. Anyone can conquer old demons if they bring them out into the light and acknowledge that they've been a hindrance an impediment to their success. It's unbelievable to me when I still hear bw spout like puppets "What about the black race! It will be bred out of existence!" or " We need to be loyal to bm!" Let me tell you something only a fool is loyal is someone who does not give a damn about them! Only a fool...
You need to be loyal to YOURSELF! You need to find men who will give you the love, support, and companionship that makes life worth living. You need to have a father for your child who will stick around and love that child regardless of whether the relationship lasts or not! And it's common knowledge who abandons their children with a vengeance in America...
For your sake, for your children's sake, learn to change your rules, and your life change will follow....
20 comments:
I'm sorry to say but I think that woman asked a legit question, what about breeding out the black race. I was reading the other day about some country that when they wanted to get rid of black people, they encouraged bw to mate/marry with the wm (not sure what country-think argentina Anyway before long all the people were mixed and the blk race was gone!
The black or African race will never be totally gone. The children will be multi-racial.
Their DNA is still there.
A.
Being multi-racial does not necessarily make you better than someone who is considered blk. or of majority African decent.
There are some awful other culture people on this Earth.
Get it? Got it?
A.
I am not a blogger but, I have view your site at length and I enjoy the thoughful information that you give to progessive black women of all ages. I hope many will open there mind to your information. I donot know when I will view more of your work, because I am on my journey. For "Anon" who is so concern about the black race. If you are a black woman? You need to be concern about yourself and focus on your emotional and physically well being.Consider yourself as a tree that need to have it's branches trim in order to grow and bear fruit. Thank you
I would like to politely ask if you visited a black male interracial website and asked this question?
BOTH men and women carry culture.
Anon
I cannot figure out why ppl seem to think it's the bw's obligation to carry the 'race'-can you explain for me? why should it be inherent on the woman to keep the race 'darker' or help the po bm on his feet, or feed/cloth hungry bm, or anything else! It is NOT our responsibility to worry about everyone else! I'm so sick of the dual msg from the bc 1. Always help a brotha out _to bw, 2. You ain't Mr Sav-a-ho to bm! We are not misses Save a non-wking, non-parenting, non-productive bum either! I don't think any of us will live long enough to see the blk race genetically annihilated, but I for one, have no intentions of worrying about it. I don't care! I don't view race as a genuine and tangible construct anyway, but as a very specious one....
That person whining about breeding out the black race needs to sit down.
Genetically it is impossible to erase genes, so the African DNA will still exist. There are genes that pop up after several generations with no appearance.
Also, many of the adaptations that Africans and other 'races' have are from the environment. Who's to say
that millions of years later the adaptation might not be necessary?
Life is not about 'selectively breeding' your genes. Currently there are many BW in America doing that, choosing men based on phenotype, and look at where it has gotten them. Damaged neighborhoods, and generational dysfunction.
You need to choose a man based on what is inside, whether he will protect and provide for his wife and children.
http://interracialintersection.com/why-humans-cant-preserve-races/
Breeding away the black race? Really? That is crazy, particularly since race really is a social construct that can and has changed with the given politics of what ever group of humans have been in power. There is no way to "breed away the black race." As long as Africa is a continent (land mass above water inhabited by people) as well as many of the other continents, there will always be black people- despite the shade.
By the way, I believe that the notion of breeding away darked-skinned black people in a part of latin america has been called "linchamiento por control racial."
That person commenting about "black race dying out"...is just a conversation derailer.
Please let's carry on without giving this comment any further consideration. It is an old OLD smokescreen comment from the typical BM-identifying female or DBRbm attempting to derail and distract our worth while discussion of goal setting and MOVING FORWARD.
Let us carry on.
MsMellody
I cosign 100% with everyone on "breeding out the race concern" Whats funny when you look at BM's obsession with lighter skin and the fact that they have the highest interracial rates, it's pretty obvious "carrying on the black race" was never a concern or considered a major responsibility lol! They've always made BW do the heavy lifting and making BW feel stuck was a smart way of making sure steady flow dark black people were being born . The quality of lives these dark black children have is of little concern, so long as we have a head count. *smh* Its funny how they try to deny science by claiming their bi-racial and multi-racial kids are fully black. Its like their running from the reality, that in the western world, that they're *gasp* "breeding out their race" more than any other group. Every other group follows the examples the men set, and what terrifies these people is that BW will follow BM example and breed out at high rates too, justifiably: The better get used to an increased number of biracial children with black mothers because I refuse to have children with a BM who doesn't believe his own kid deserves an abundant life, who CONSISTENTLY puts his needs over his kids. Sorry to rant, Sara, but I wonder why these people don't ask BM about preserving the race. I think they know well enough BM gave up on the race decades ago.
It's nice to see more BW side stepping the bs, trudging on and continually defying the status quo. I stopped coddling and protecting racist and sexist behavior from ANYONE and I've become a role model to younger bro and sis as a result. Even my mom has come to respect my "radical" notion of expecting reciprocity, and she's a self proclaimed NBABM BW lol
exactly Sam!
And if you notice even the so called 'militant' bm who supposedly hates 'whitey' loves white women! They'll be standing there in full uniform swearing an allegiance to 'black' with a ww, and biracial children by their side! SMH
They are so full of crap! I've always said the best way to know a man's heart is to discount what he says and watch what he does lol. If you really considered white to be your mortal enemy -then how the hell could you ever consider mixing your blood with them! How many skin heads would ever be with anything other than white???
One thing I'd like to say about bw breeding out the black race. Btw I love your blog including Evia, seasoned bw you are indeed. Now I will continue with my comment. When these bi-racial female children born to bw/wm become of age to date and marry who do you think will be the first to date,marry them? Yep bm. Just though I would add this to the conversation. Bm have always been the first to do what they call "breed out their race". Interracial dating is of God. You were right on about the 2 reasons for black women waking up. Yes The Lord does work in myterious ways. And a big thank you to bw like yourself (Evia, etc.) Hats off to you Sara!
I agree Sara
I thought it was really sneaky -but clever-the way AI simply changed the rules to get into the top12. I knew they did because they wanted to limit the number of blk winners, as well. It seems when wp don't like something, they simply change laws, rules, etc. (look at the current voting laws, trying ot prevent AA, and Hisp people from voting) When bp don't like something, we riot. This is why wp often get what they want, and we don't....
"Life is not about 'selectively breeding' your genes. Currently there are many BW in America doing that, choosing men based on phenotype, and look at where it has gotten them. Damaged neighborhoods, and generational dysfunction."
Do not blame that issue on bw marrying other culture of men. Most b/children are from bm/bw.
A.
Michelle Obama
Why white America perhaps fears Michelle more than Barack.
...as hard as it is to accept a black president, it's even harder to accept a black first lady. First Lady has always held a beloved sentimental mother/wife of the nation symbolism.
Conservatives are not ready to have to look at this very BLACK woman with her degrees and her fierceness and see her as the epitome of the American mother/wife.This will be a first for white people. They do not want this black woman in the Whitehouse as their first lady. That New Yorker cartoon was [actually] about Michelle - she was its focal point…..look closely... she is the leader, the one starting the "revolution" theywant you to imagine…………MSNBC's Chris Matthews said, in the course of covering the Obama candidacy, 'He (Barack Obama) brings none of the20' bad stuff, you know?" By 'Bad Stuff', he meant the legacy of [whites] enslaving Africans in this country, keeping them as second-class citizens until 1965, a mere 11 years before this country celebrated its 200th anniversary. You know, 'the original sin', or ' the birth d efect', as Condi Rice called it. Barack escapes this 'bad stuff' only because his mother was white and may have had ancestors involved in the slave trade; and also because Barack's father was not African American. He was full blooded African and therefore Barack had no ancestors enslaved byAmerica - and so the white guilt factor is missing when they think ofhim. HOWEVER, NO SUCH LUCK WITH MICHELLE!Michelle Obama is a direct threat and lightening bolt against White Superiority. Because, she's Black… VISIBLY BLACK… But it's important to note, she does not, in any way,shape, or form, contour to the acceptable Black Pathologies that enable White Supremacy to sigh with relief. [welfare mother, fatherless child, druggie, etc.] Michelle was raised in a neighborhood. In a home. With TWO parents. No child revolving in and out of jail.
Raised by a Black man who not only provided for his family, but did so, WITH A DISABILITY. Her mother had a working class job - secretary- but it was taken ONLYafter she had seen her youngest child settle into HIGH SCHOOL.Michelle Obama's poise, her confidence, her aura - that was created by that humble Black man, who by all accounts, adored her. He told her that she is worthy, and so, when you have that told to you by the first man who loves and protects you, you seek that validation of that in your choice of mate, you'll settle for nothing less, and Michelle hasn't.
Michelle Obama, doesn't fit any of the acceptable Black pathologies. And when you don't fit the acceptable Black pathologies, then you must be destroyed. Michelle Obama has become the face of the Black America whose existence is routinely denied by this country. Think about it.In ONE generation, the face of this 'Invisible America' has gone from living on the top floor of a bungalow, to the possibility of living in The White House. And yet, Michelle Obama, refuses to say " I' m special", in order to give white America its usual security blanket [that she is one of the exceptions rather than the rule], So what should be done?Beat her down into submission.
Michelle Obama represents everything we black women want our daughters to be. When we stand up for her we stand up for ourselves. No other women in the world are more neglected and abused as African women period. Michelle looks like [our] daughters, her daughters look like us. We love the way Barack looks at her we adore the way he looks at his daughters. The Obamas represent the hope that we can be loved by our men and they will support us in whatever we do.
part 2
Little African American girls need a vision anddream of what it is like to be loved by a man who looks just like them. Is America ready for a First Lady who looks like her? A regular black woman? Not a passable biracial curly haired girl that they call black, but a regular black woman from the south side of Chicago ? With dark skin?Is she going to be the face of The Woman on the largest pedestal in the country? A self-confessed "loud-mouth" black woman? If the Obamas succeed, it turns white supremacy upside down. And not because a black man is in the White House; but, because a blackwoman will be there who didn't have to come in the back door to lie in bed with the president.
I think it’s high time that you as BW strongly challenge the DOUBLE STANDARD that MANY BM have when it comes to BW in IRR’s. BW DON’T NEED BM’S permission/input to love/date/marry men of ANY RACE who we choose. If BM can love/date/marry WHOMEVER they want, BW can do the same.
MANY BM need to deal with their MANY issues (self hatred, cowardice, irresponsibility, sexism, etc.) related to their ANTI-BW attitudes/actions that have greatly contributed to the continued attacks from EVERYONE on the HUMANITY, DIGNITY, and FEMININITY of BW.
It’s OBVIOUS that, unlike women of EVERY OTHER RACE, BW CAN’T COUNT on MOST BM to play their PROPER role of PROTECTORS/DEFENDERS of the honor of BW.
This is a major reason why I feel that BM haven’t EARNED the PRIVILEGE to enter into ANY discussions about BW and IRR’s.
and never will far as i can see.
I think it’s high time that you as BW strongly challenge the DOUBLE STANDARD that MANY BM have when it comes to BW in IRR’s. BW DON’T NEED BM’S permission/input to love/date/marry men of ANY RACE who we choose. If BM can love/date/marry WHOMEVER they want, BW can do the same.
MANY BM need to deal with their MANY issues (self hatred, cowardice, irresponsibility, sexism, etc.) related to their ANTI-BW attitudes/actions that have greatly contributed to the continued attacks from EVERYONE on the HUMANITY, DIGNITY, and FEMININITY of BW.
It’s OBVIOUS that, unlike women of EVERY OTHER RACE, BW CAN’T COUNT on MOST BM to play their PROPER role of PROTECTORS/DEFENDERS of the honor of BW.
This is a major reason why I feel that BM haven’t EARNED the PRIVILEGE to enter into ANY discussions about BW and IRR’s.
and never will far as i can see.
I like this post. It resonates with how I'm beginning to see things. If the rules are limiting you either live by new ones or change the game. Your example of the lady who was pregnant at 14 yet went on to succeed is an inspirational story (I hope no other young black girl has to go through motherhood at such a young age though.)
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